Grief
Grief, what have you done?
Murdering me on a cross of sorrows I cannot bear
You pierce me, haunt me, stalk me
Tie me up & pin me down,
Struggling under your dreaded weight
I cannot breathe
My head is pounding
You threaten to crush my heart
Immobilizing me in your grip of terror
Enough! Please stop!
I can’t take it anymore!
But grief is deaf & presses on
Immune to all cries for mercy
An oppressor I cannot shake & cannot bargain with
A raging evil, hell-bent on my destruction
Clawing at my heart with maniacal passion
He loves my pain
It sustains him, cruel beast
Greedy for my tears, fears, rage & fury…
They feed him, relieve him
I grab him by the throat & stare into his eyes
You shall not have me! This too shall pass!
Alas, I am a fool
He laughs as he spins another web of beautiful lies,
Wrapping me in his crystal den of tortures
Poking, prodding, tearing, despairing
All fight drained; all strength sucked dry
Apathy sinking in to numb it all
To live & yet not be alive
That is the horror
A vegetative state beaten into me,
Submission to the abuse
The abuse?
That I lost you, that you left me, that you’re gone
One I once loved so deeply
The torture?
That my heart keeps beating when it feels like I’m dying
Living without reason to breathe
The brutality of forced existence
Crush my body & I will heal
Crush my spirit & all is lost
I plead with my heart to stop beating,
To let me go
Grief presses in
Tightening the noose
I cannot breathe & do not want to
My feet feel like lead
My head a hornet’s nest
My heart a barren wasteland
Blood pounding painfully through dry veins,
Forcing life throughout my broken body
Under protest my soul cries out
Stop keeping me alive!
At long last I surrender to Grief,
Let him overtake me, possess me
Struggling ceases – all is quiet
Wearily, I gaze into his eyes
Surprised to see myself in his eyes
He, in much greater pain than I
He tells me he was pierced
Crushed so I wouldn’t have to be
That all this time I’ve been running from him
He’s continued to pursue me
I saw him as grief & pushed him away
When all he wanted to do was take my shame away
Coming to grips with the source of my pain
Was the only way to heal from his game
Grief is rude.
He marches undaunted about our broken hearts
Hell-bent on tarnishing all we thought was secure & healed within us
He dirties his hands rummaging through boxes we packed up long ago
He brings out things long hidden, twice forgotten
Airs them out to be relived, re-wired
Forcing closure upon us with unceremonious flair
If it wasn’t for him, we might all still live in our fears
